Please don’t take this to offence, but don’t you find it odd how much faith and hope people put into you for not only toys, computer games, and puppies but also for happiness, love, and world peace?
Let’s face it, your sugar filled diet of milk and cookies and more than jolly, rotund waistline don’t exactly make you the role model for our nation’s troublingly obese McDonalds-craving children. And these so called “elves” of yours, these implausibly cheery little people who work year long around-the-clock to hand-craft billions of toys and games in a large factory in freezing North Polar temperatures; how are we not so sure they are in fact enslaved children you have renamed to avoid increasing child labor laws?
I won’t even delve into the connotations your cheery cries of “Ho, ho, ho” imply. I’ll suffice with the wonder one has when a disadvantaged child or family doesn’t receive their Christmas presents and dreams; maybe you dallied a little too long at your stop in Vegas. No wonder you’re so jolly. Poor Mrs. Clause, left alone, hidden in the arctic tundra, only a small house, no friends or family within a thousand-mile radius while you frolic the globe singing (with) your “Ho’s” and spending obscene amounts of money on the rich and spoiled children to have outlandish, unneeded horses, jet skis, and flat-screen TVs while the poor depend on the charity of the Red Cross’s and Children’s Hospitals’ donations.
Finally, you take all the credit for the cheeriness of Christmas morning away from the hard-working parents, grandparents, and loving family members who spent countless early morning hours waiting in lines—shoving, kicking, screaming, crying, pleading, stealing, begging, lying to get their child’s #1 gift on their Christmas list.
Does little Sally or Jimmy say, “Thanks, Mom and Dad, for the awesome Wii!” No, they give all their thanks, love and cookies to the man in the big red suit.
(And why red? Isn’t yellow supposed to be a happy color? Or how about something calming, like blue? Red implies STOP not Go, violence, blood, and cheap red lipstick. Is that supposed to be a hint into your less-than-exemplary lifestyle?)
I think we all need to put a little more faith and hope in each other for the things we really want for Christmas. Look to friends and family for comfort and love. Even if you’re afraid to ask for it—it might be difficult, it might taint your pride, expose your pain, or touch on a deeply rooted family rift—but I think you’ll have more luck from your family than this Santa fellow. World peace would be nice, but I think everyone needs to achieve that inner-peace, Buddha-like happiness first. When you find yours, or if you’re having trouble, help a friend find theirs, because you never know, helping others usually helps yourself.
Isn’t that the spirit of Christmas? Let’s leave this old, jolly guy to his “ho, ho, ho’s” and look a little closer to home for peace and joy this year.